America Attacked

As we all know, America was attacked on September 11th by terrorists, killing thousands and devastating a nation. In an act that shocked and appalled nearly all the world our country has been turned upside down. In general this event has brought out the best in people. Millions of dollars have been generously donated, hands-on rescue help poured in from all directions and we have become a nation in mourning. We mourn for our fellow americans, human beings, sisters, brothers, children, parents. Our hearts go out to all of the victims of this tragic and horrifying act.

Some have taken it upon themselves to perpetrate violence against those nationals who are from the middle east while others have spread words of hate egging them on in their justified endeavors. However, all in all, it could have been a lot worse and authorities are acting swiftly to end the violence and hate.

Then comes Falwell... In essence he blamed the terrorist acts on "feminists, pagans, abortionists, lesbians and gays." He claimed it to be God's wrath upon the U.S. and its tolerance of immorality. Not unlike his statements concerning those who contracted AIDs. Somewhere in his pea brain he must have equated the U.S. to Sodom. In essence he said the terrorist attacks were God's doing. In essence he is saying that the terrorists were commissioned by God, the working hands of God, the desciples of God. In reality he has stated that we Americans got what we deserved. His only apology was that it was "bad timing". I commend the gay and lesbian community for not having run hog wild after Falwell and his statements, for not having the despicable timing that he so eloquently portrayed. The shock to the nation, the loss of life and devastation was by far more on all of our minds than yet another misguided, hateful statement by Falwell.

However, the shock is passing, realities are setting in and the time is nearly right. I do hope that as a community we do not let this slur against our patriotism, spirituality, values and morality pass. It is also my hope that the rest of the nation also saw Falwell for what he is, a fanatic hate monger, a terrorist in his own right. I am thankful the President distanced himself from Falwell; I doubt Falwell will ever be seen in the White House again. I am also thankful that CNN and other news networks immediately responded to him and helped the rest of the world to see what a despicable human being that man is. I think we were right to stay quiet this time, to be less opportunistic and selfish than Falwell. He showed his true colors; We showed our true colors. Perhaps, in our silence, we may have gained some respect as others spoke on our behalf. I, for one, will be quite happy if I never hear the words "Moral Majority" again.

Next Issue: November 1, 2001

Wacipi

In Memory of Gram
***
1919 - 2001

For people who can't think for themselves... Just... Ask... Jacki

Well, I'll tell you, none of you out there in cyberworld are making this job of column writing easy for me. Seems like everyone has gotten too smart for their britches here lately. Just left me out here on my own, wallowing in a land with no questions. How can that be? (I ask myself...as none of you bothered to ask)

Well, never mind, I told myself. (gets a little weird when I'm the only one around) Who needs to solve the world's problems, anyway? (notice....I don't have a shortage of questions coming from me) I'm full of questions. Brimming over, it seems. Unlike the rest of you know-it-alls.

So, just what is it that's been keeping you all so damned busy that you have no time to even question the simplest of things? See how easy this is? Questioning, I mean, not trying to write an advice column for people who need no advice. That's not quite so easy, is it? You try it.

I saw a bug in my house this week. I don't know what it was. I killed it before I could find my glasses. It was long and fuzzy. Well, not really sure about the fuzzy part. That could have just been my faulty vision. But it looked fuzzy to me. Never saw one before like it that I can recall, even with my glasses on, though I suppose it wouldn't look the same then, anyway, so how would I know whether or not I've ever seen one before? But I am now on the lookout for more. One never knows. They don't come from nowhere, you know. They must be reproducing somewhere.

Do you think I might have been bored lately? (if you answer that, you can write this column)

Shoot, I'm going outside to smoke. Entertain yourselves while I'm gone. Ask each other a few questions.

Well, I'm back. I could have been gone for days, you know. How would you know, anyway?

How long should a column be when the columnist has nothing to say? A few sentences? A paragraph or two? What do you think?

Why do grownups collect stuffed animals? Ever wonder about that? Now, don't try to deny it. You either have a housefull of stuffed bears or you know someone who does. Ok, ok, I have a few. Not many, though. I once knew this womon who had so many ceramic bears that you could hardly put anything on any surface in her house for fear of breaking a cherished something or other. On top of that, she had stuffed bears everywhere. Sitting on little baby chairs, wrapped in bankets in little cradles, on top of the fridge. Personally, I thought it was a bit much. You know what? (of course you don't, but you will, give me a minute) Once I went away with her for the week-end. No not just the two of us. Give me a break. I wouldn't publish that. Anyway, besides filling the car up with about a thousand pillows that she said she just could not sleep without, (no, I didn't ask why) she brought along a doll. No kidding. A doll that looked like a real baby. And she rocked it and all that stuff, too, all the way to where we were going. Then we had to go to the store to buy it a new dress. I'm not sure why I didn't run away screaming. Think about it. Four lesbians wandering all over town looking for a dress for a baby doll. Yes, I was mortified. Then after all this rocking, cooing, dressing, petting, you know what she did? Tossed the thing in the trunk of the car! Now, I ask you, what sense does any of that make? I worried about the damned thing suffocating all the way home. Well, wouldn't you?

I collect grownup things. Glass elephants. But I don't feed them. I can't afford to.

Does anyone pay attention to car alarms? Or do they just aggravate the hell out of you? Do you go outside to check and see if someone is breaking into your neighbor's car? Or do you just stand in the door and scream, "Turn that damned thing off!" Whenever we have a thunderstorm, which is about every hour and a half in the summer, the parking lot sounds like a traffic jam in Atlanta during SuperBowl.

I had the horn disconnected in my car. Well, if you must ask.....I had to. The stupid thing just kept blowing and blowing and blowing. People were giving me dirty looks even though I kept smiling and waving to everyone else on the road. Anyway, I unplugged the horn. It stopped. But the bottom of the plug wire fell down and now if I want to connect it again, I think I have to take the engine out of the car. Not a job I intend to do. So, if I need a horn, I just roll the window down and scream really loud. Swearing helps. People listen.

I don't have many friends who are willing to get in the car with me, anyway, though. Wonder why? I can't run the air or the car overheats. Two of the doors won't open from the inside. The headliner if dropping...it will be a hat for me soon, I just know it. But the fuzzy stuff keeps getting in my eyes. The windshield leaks...right on my lap. I don't think I have a third gear. And the trunk lid won't stay up when you want it to. The tachometer doesn't work, either, but I never have known what it for for anyway. And I refuse to drive over 35 miles an hour, ever, no matter what, too bad. Want to go for a ride? You neither, huh? Oh well. I hate to drive anyway. This way, I promise you, I get a lot of offers to be the passenger. I like it that way.

Lizards won't hurt you. Well, maybe that's not true. They do carry salmonella on their skin. I think. Maybe not. I'm not sure. Maybe I just made that up. Well, at least don't eat them, just in case. My cats won't eat them and I trust my cats. Oh never mind. Who cares about lizards anyway? Oh. Well, maybe somebody does. Sorry, no offense meant. Don't be so touchy. Sheesh.

I'm going now. See ya. Bye. Adios. Hmmm...maybe I'll just rename this column....Loony Letters from Loretta. Yeah. I like that. You don't? Who asked you? Get your own column. Name it whatever you want. Just take my advice. Well, no, don't take my advice. I have none. You may have noticed that! (except for the lizard thing, and that was just a silly quirk) Hmmm...maybe Ramblin' Rose. I could change my name. It's my name. I'll think about it. Next month.........

Need a break away - why not New Zealand?

OK we are a long way away from the USA, or Europe - so the trip can be a drag, but that will be more than compensated for by your visit - we don't know of anyone who has gone home disappointed - it is everything you ever dreamed about. And we are a long way away from potential war zones.

So next time you are wanting a break away, www.womentravel.co.nz might have the place for you. This web site has been set up by Rosemary Neave and partner Ngaire Brader to bring together in one place on the web, the wonderful things on offer for the woman traveller in New Zealand.

There are fifty seven operators on the web site at present, with more joining every month, and there are a wide range of things to do and places to stay from simple campsites without power, to luxury accommodation, or all expenses covered women¹s adventure trips. All of them are women owned and run, some are for women only. All of them offer something unique to the woman traveller. And its not just about places to stay and things to do. The website has a regional highlights page, with suggestions of where to get a good coffee and other things not to be missed, and it has a summary page which you can print out and take with you on your travels.

I came here for a holiday (from Australia) 25 years ago and never went home. I have a Boston based friend who had been here once briefly and needed a holiday - she said I want somewhere English is spoken, where it is safe for a woman to travel alone and where I can really relax. She chose not do the grand tour of both Islands but stayed by a quiet beach for a week and spent a week in Rotorua - it was the middle of our winter, but she thought it was very mild (she used to live in Minnesota) and had a great holiday.

What can you do here? Well there is the usual grand tour - hire a car and drive around the North and South Islands. Allow 3 weeks if you can, and remember we drive on the left hand side of the road. The landscape changes dramatically every hour or two and as we are an island, you are never far from the sea. Within half an hour of Auckland (the narrowest part of the country) you can be walking in rainforest, on a beautiful island, on a wild and rugged west coast beach, or a calm white sandy east coast beach, or sitting at any number of wonderful cafés.

There is the central North Island with its snow capped volcanic mountains (still active!) and thermal pools, or there is the majestic South Island with its fiords, calm sheltered kayaking waters, virgin forests or wild albatross nesting areas near Dunedin.

While November - May are the ideal times to travel, there are tourists here all year round. And when you hand over your $10 US dollars you get close to $20 NZ dollars, and with a very good coffee priced at $3 NZ that is good value. (unfortunately NZers, who travel a lot, are at a great disadvantage dollar wise, as our money shrinks dramatically when we go overseas)

What are some of the things on offer for women - there are women only guest houses and camping grounds scattered around New Zealand - Wellington, Nelson, Christchurch, Auckland. Make some time for some of the out of the way places like Earthspirit Women's Land and Earthtalk@awhitu which has a particularly unique relationship with local Maori, the indigenous people of New Zealand.

You can join TOWANDA and see the countryside by motorbike - the best biking in the world, book in with Wanderwomen for a kayaking trip, or you can check out South Sea Mermaids for one of their all inclusive women's tours of the South Island. You must do at least one tramp (NZ for walking/hiking in the bush). There are hundreds around NZ, some guided, some for independent walkers. You need good boots, but its the best way to experience the unique rainforest and virgin bush. You can do a day tramp or one over 3-4 days like the famous Milford Track in the South Island

http://www.tramper.co.nz is a good site to find out more about this. Above all New Zealanders are warm and friendly, eager to help visitors experience the magic of the place and it is a great place for women travellers. This is just a sample of what is on offer - check out our website for more ideas - http://www.womentravel.co.nz

by Rosemary Neave

Rosemary@womentravel.co.nz

Bookmark our site http://www.womentravel.co.nz

Women travel New Zealand - accommodation, adventures, retreats and other essential information for the woman traveller in New Zealand

**** Join our womentravelnewz email list to keep up with the latest ****

Rosemary Neave and Ngaire Brader womentravel.co.nz
Massey Road, R D 2 WAIPU Aotearoa/New Zealand
fax 64 9 4321245

Last issue we began a series on worry and anxiety. The article ended with some tips…here are some more.

1. Add structure to your life in places you think you need it. Lots of everyday worries are directly related to disorganization. Lists, reminders, daily schedule, a spot for your keys near the door. Creating concrete bits of structure can dramatically reduce the amount of time you spend in useless anxiousness and worry.

2. Don't read too many newspapers and magazines, or too much TV. The media love bad news. Watching the local news can expose you to not only the local bad news but also world distress. Unfortunately the neighborhood and the world are presented to us in the news in an unbalanced world. We seldom hear of all the good that is happening every day somewhere. Bad distress information can traumatize us by proxy.

3. Write things done that you are ruminating about rather than repeating it over and over in your head. Keep a pad next to your bed for those middle of the night worry sessions. In the middle of the night when our mind is half awake and asleep worries and concerns can seem bigger than they really are. Carry a small writing pad in your purse or pack, in your car. When you find yourself repeating, reviewing, ruminating over something write it down. It is easier to move your attention off of something when you can review it later. Sometimes rumination is an effort to remember something. If it is written down you won't forget. Another advantage of writing things down is you have the opportunity to look over your concerns and reflect on whether there is evidence to support your concern or are you engaging in imaginary what if's.

4. Use humor and develop a sense of humor. One of the best ways to deal with worry and stress in life is to use humor. Have funny people in your life. Laugh as much as possible. Make jokes out of bad times. Toxic worry almost always entails a loss of perspective: humor can often restore it.

5. Touch and be touched. Get plenty of physical contact. People do better if they are touched and hugged regularly. We are a social species. We don't do well in isolation.

CULTIVATE GOOD BRAIN MAINTENANCE

Learn more about the type of brain you have. Look back in your family tree for other worriers. One good way of understanding the brain you have is to look at the people who came before you. Also reflect and learn more about the temperament you have. Two books that are a good introduction to understanding the biology of temperament are titled Emotional Intelligence, and the book Living with Your Genes.

Exercise at least every other day. Exercise burns off the chemicals stress stimulates the body's release of. The increased circulation of exercise helps move toxic waste products through the body. Research has shown that the cadence of walking or running assists the brain in problem solving. So if you have a choice of sitting and stewing on a problem or walking and stewing…the walking will facilitate more productive problem solving.

Drink lots of water and practice diaphragm breathing. The body uses oxygen to move toxic waste products through itself. A significant factor in anxiety and panic attacks is improper breathing, which leads to hyperventilation. Proper breathing alone can stave off an anxiety attack in many cases. Yoga and Thai Chi can reduce tension and worry.

Sleep well. Lack of sleep can make you irritable, distracted, and prone to useless worry and anxiousness. If you have difficulty sleeping you can consult with your physician for a sleep aid, some over the counter medications can help if used sparingly. Valerian root in tablet form taken 1 hour before bedtime at a dose of 100 mg can induce the onset of sleep. This for many people is enough. Avoid the ingestion of stimulates such as caffeine, chocolate, nicotine or white drugs after 5 pm. Exercise before bed can keep a person awake due to increased metabolism. A hot tub or hot bath/shower can help with sleep. The heat expands the outer blood vessels of the skin and increases blood flow. This stimulates the relaxation response in the brain, which helps the body wind down and can quiet the flight or fight response triggered by fear and anxiousness.

Eat reasonably. Try to eat a balanced diet. Don't obsess about your weight. Use comfort foods as needed but sparingly if they are high in fat content. Don't skip meals. Many anxious worriers lose their appetites when worried and others tend to feed their worries with food. Often time's complex carbohydrates will be consumed. Studies have shown that complex carbos break down into chemicals that the brain uses to make serotonin, a mood stabilizing neurotransmitter. Low blood sugar can result in feelings of shakiness and anxiety for many people. The consumption of food will relieve this. Vitamin B complex in 50 mg can help reduce anxiousness as the body uses B vitamins to make serotonin. Kava Kava in tablets or elixir can help with anxiousness.

Don't drink excessively, or use other drugs to medicate your worries. Alcohol and other drugs may provide short-term relief for some but the impact of mood altering drugs on neurotransmitters can aggravate anxiousness, worry, and depression. While under the influence a person is less capable of dealing with a worry constructively. Stimulate street drugs can increase states of anxiousness.

Get enough light. Generally people living in the north do not get enough sunlight during the winter. They tend to become worried, gloomy, and depressed. Just 10 minutes of exposure to sunlight a day can be of enough benefit.

Pray or meditate. Develop a spiritual belief system that works for you. Studies have shown that a spiritual belief system whether it draws on prayer or just meditation calms the mind in times of distress and worry and also helps us keep things in perspective. Studies with biofeedback have shown changes in brain wave patterns conducive to relaxation states while meditating. A simple meditation is this….while inhaling mentally say, "calm", while exhaling mentally say "relax". Practice this 5-10 minutes a day while sitting comfortably with your eyes closed. Than on and off throughout the day for 15 secs silently say to yourself "Calm" and "relax" on the inhale/exhale as you go about your business.

Listen to music. Although we don't understand fully how, music reduces tension and anxiety while also improving performance. Music seems to harmonize the brain. Of course I have not found in my clinical practice that head banger music relaxes.

Cry. Many adults cannot cry. Crying can be very medicinal. Sometimes worry is a form of pent up sadness and grief. Crying eases the mind and can wash away anxiousness.

In the next issue the importance of developing "connectedness" will be addressed. Connectedness refers to a feeling of being a part of something larger than yourself. It prevents worry.

This columns focus is psychological and emotional health/well being. Individual, couple, family and community concerns will be addressed here. I am a licensed lesbian feminist therapist. I am writing this column under an assumed nickname for your comfort and mine. The information and suggestions provided here should not be taken as a substitute for in person therapy with a trained clinician in your area. I offer here my perspective, knowledge, and experience to be taken, accepted or rejected as is.

I would like readers to submit topics of interest and questions you would like me to answer in the column. All questions will be answered with the author's identity withheld unless you specify otherwise. Confidentiality will be respected. Please send your comments, suggestions, and questions to me at shrinkonbarbie@yahoo.com

Koom Essa... Hurry home, it's time to eat!!!

SCHNITZ UN KNEPP
A wonderful autumn delight

3 pounds ham
1 qt dried apples
2 tbsp brown sugar
2 cups flour
Milk enough to make fiarly moist stiff batter
4 tspns baking powder
1/4 tspn pepper
1 egg, well beaten
3 tbsp melted butter
1 tsp salt

Wash dried apples,, cover with water and let soak over night or for several hours. Cover ham with cold water and let boil for 3 hours. Add apples and water and continue to boil for another hour. Add brown sugar. Make dumplings by sifting together the flour, salt, pepper and baking powder. Stir in the beaten egg, milk and shortening. Drop the batter by spoonfuls into the hot liquid with the ham and apples. Cover kettle tight and cook dumplings for 15 minutes. Serve on a large platter.

Chapter Three

Stone Henge began to take on a life of its own. The women used every resource they could find and every talent each of them possessed. Some built furniture, others began to clean the soil from the grounds to make an area for planting. Others did what they could. They had become a working community banding together for one purpose... to survive.

***

Stone Henge itself was an old 4 story stone building built during the revolutionary war. It sat alone in a field adorned with ornate shutters and a large porch that had long since decayed from years of neglect. Approximately 60 women and children have made this old relic their new home and treated it with the same love and care they would have any home of their own. Perhaps more.

Each woman had a job to do whether she was up to it or not and both Shane and Abby were merciless drivers. Jen finally began to work through her grief and was right by their side. The women came to respect Shane for her unrelenting strength and vigor, Abby for her ability to get anyone to do anything that was required, and Jen for her quiet persuasion. There were so many heros amongst these women. Joc who headed up the carpentry work and trained the others to work with tools and to build. Debbie, a chef in her former life, organized the kitchen staff. Karen, a former teacher educated the children. Mary, headed up the cleaning crew. Danny, a police officer, rounded up a security group to keep an eye on the perimeter of the property as danger from wanderers was an inevitability. Many women took on many roles, some familiar some not. But together they managed to survive and to create a space to live again.

***

"Shane, remember how we used to dream about living in a lesbian community one day? Did you ever think it would be like this?"

"Oh sure, 60 women all crammed into one old building with no running water. Yes, that's exactly what I had in mind! Why?"

"I was just thinking. Perhaps under different circumstances it would be great, perhaps not all in the same building, but nonetheless, it would be cool. But I have a confession to make. I need to know if anyone else is out there. I feel like I am wrapped in a cocoon here and it just doesn't feel real. I need to know if the world, even part of it, still exists."

"Well, Abby honey, if we are the only ones left, I'd hate to say it, but the homophobes were right... because of us, the world will end if we don't make babies!"

The women in the room next to them overheard their conversation and began laughing and giggling. The laughter began to spread down the halls and throughout the building. It grew and grew until the entire house, even Stone Henge itself, began laughing. For the first time since that dreadful day their souls began to awaken. Perhaps it was time to branch out.

***

To be continued in next month's issue. This story shall unfold month after month, chapter by chapter. There is no telling where this story may go. Neither the editor nor the writer knows what will come next. But you have to agree, this is certainly a first in publication history as this story is written before our very eyes. This could turn out to be the hoakiest story ever written or a future classic! If you would like to be the next brave writer to give this idea a shot, please let us know. And, yes, you may submit your works to be published anonymously. However, the editor must know your true identity for copywrite purposes.

Red Roses and Emerald Eyes

I was standing at the subway station nervously dancing from one foot onto the other and staring as if mesmerised at the bright bouquet of scarlet roses in my left hand. I was on my way to meeting my lover again for the first time after an apparently endless period of separation. I had been away for elevan months, twenty-four days and seventeen hours of which I spent every single minute awaiting the moment of our reunion with patient anticipation and resignated longing.

Everything needed to be right that day, the place and time where and when we would meet, the clothes I would wear and the words I would say, the way we would look at each other, the first kiss right through to the last one, how we would hold each other and guide one another through the recollections of our respective memories. Many days and many nights I had spent contemplating this scene with my mental eye, seeking refuge in it, revelling in its comfort, its redemption for endless hours of loneliness.

I would get off the train with the radiant roses in my hand and the forebearer of my heart and soul would be standing there waiting for me, my own anxiousness reflected in her eyes. She would be standing at the far end of the platform and we would walk slowly up to each other, the distance that had separated us for months would finally melt before our eyes like an ice cube in the summer sun. Our eyes would be fixed onto each other's complexion, searching for a sign, a glimpse, a response of some kind that would confirm our mutual anticipation, would shout vows of love in words of silence across the platform, and this most exquisit hour, in this fathom moment of sublime intimacy our hearts and souls would be redeemed.

I was returning for good and nothing was ever to come between the two of us again. Together forever was how we would stay. I had had to leave to understand that we were meant for each other, that more than my lover I had found in her my soulmate, who brought sunshine to my life and made flowers bloom even on winter days, gave direction to my journey and satisfaction to the yearning of my heart. I had been overwhelmed by my feelings to the point of having to flee, having to bleed just to know that I was still alive; An angelic being had stirred within me the doubt that I might have died one cold November night and awoken by her side, in heaven. I had had almost a year to understand that I was well alive, and needed to return home if I wanted to stay that way. I had been away for almost a year when in fact I needed no more than a few hours to find the answer to all my questions. What had incited me to leave and lateron kept me away for so long was what made me return at last, ! return for good; it was simply an affection so strong and pure that at first I had been afraid not to be able to withstand its intesity only to realise, when I was trying to escape, that I would not be able to withstand a life without it. My love for her was so strong that I felt I would suffocate when I was with her, and bleed to death when we were apart. But since in either case the death blow was certain, I preferred to fade while being held safely in her arms, I decided to return.

At last the subway train aroused me from my reveries with a long steaming sigh. While I got on, I noticed a strangely pleasant impression of lightness, every step felt as soft as if I were walking on clouds, and an enchanted smile lingered on my lips as I sat down in the last compartment of the train, which was almost empty and quiet enough to allow me to return to the reveries of my amorous soul with ease and genuineness.

Unfortunately the intimacy of the compartment was transpersed abruptly at the next station. Piccadilly Circus was always busy and especially at this time of the day when the working population streamed anxiously out of the heart of London to return to the comforts of privacy and family life. I had always felt strangely attached to any means of public transportation in which I caught myself engaged in social exploration. As the doors closed and the train set in motion, I felt immerged in a microcosmic replication of the real world in which individuals served as allegoric representatives of human characteristics, where artists sat side by side with businessmen, tramps travelled with equal dignity along side municipal politicians, students, doctors and musicians. I found myself also trying to read from their outward appearance certain chapters of their individual biographies, discern their relationships and the expectations they put in life from the way they dressed, the shoes ! they wore and the way they looked out of the windows or at other passengers. From my observations I ventured to forming postulations regarding human behavior, learned to distinguish between tourists and autochtones, meeteaters and vegetarians, art lovers and pragmatists, idealists, daydreamers and realists, lovers and loved. This guessing game soon turned into a craft, staring as an amateur I soon became an expert in the arts and rituals of my species. And despite the destination of my journey and the excitement of my heart, I soon again fell a victim to my sociologic tendencies.

The solitary old lady to my right, who kept talking to thin air, invited me to join her in her living room where she showed me the black and white pictures, portraits of her deceased husband, which she dusted with genuinely affectionate loyalty. Even though his guitar rested silently at his side, the teenage hippie behind me sang to me of his quest for universal peace, giving me his own version of an earthly Nirvana in silent song. On the front page of his newspaper I read about the stockbroker's daily unfortunate speculations, on the back page about his neighbour's problematic relationship with his parents who did not approve of their son's homosexuality. The little Yorkshire Terrier at my feet shared with me his philosophic approach to life, and in his eyes I could see a dispairing inability to find reason in human ways.

I had almost finished my observative exploration of the compartment when at last my eyes fell upon two young girls sitting opposite of me. Have you ever been fascinated by something you saw without however knowing wherein the fascination lies not what it is that you have discovered for yourself in the sight that resides before you? I kept staring at these two girls from Zoo Station to Hyde Park until the enigma professed its epiphanic revelation. The beauty that had captured me sparkled in their eyes which shone in perfectly identical emerald hue and made it almost impossible for me to distinguish between them even though their physical appearance conveyed no other primordial signs of ressemblance. Best of friends since kindergarten, I deduced, still revelling in the fascination of their eyes and resumed with the conclusion that they hadn't walked separate ways since that first day of school ten to fifteen years ago. How many memories they must share, memories that would acc! ompany them for a lifetime, seal the union of their souls forever and prevail even if their ways should one day part, I observed with envy. I tried to grant them the privilege of intimacy but could not take my eyes off them, no matter how hard a tried, because it gave me the impression that I was betraying not only the sacred bonds of true friendship but also those that united me and my lover who eventually knew to regain her prioritary status in my daydreaming reveries.

"Did you see that beautiful silk sweater that was on sales at Diva's?" I heard one of the girls ask suddenly.

"O no, I didn't, sorry. You know, I was mainly looking at the sky just now. I find sunset skies absolutely fascinating. Did you see....".

Inside of me, I had to agree with her, therefore I missed her question and was recalled to the train compartment only by her friend's negation. No, she hadn't seen...

My journey was coming to an end and I was preparing to get off at the next station, so I took my bouquet and rose from my seat. I could see her standing at the platform as I had imagines when all of a sudden I notoced what I hadn't seen before, a few brown patches here and there on the roses destined for my soulmate.

Copyright Jessica Feiereisen 2001

YOU Part II

You have made me feel like a woman who needs everything again You have made me feel like i have been reborn again You have made me feel again

You have taken the heart into a place that sends shivers into my soul You have given me my place in life back You have delivered a message to my mind via the Internet and the phone which states, "let the body go, let your mind expand, let your heart reel, let your soul cry, let me feel again".

You have given me reason for life again You have entered upon my horizon like a day with suns rays gleaming with warmth You have allowed my soul to cry again

You are the reason i get up in the early morning You are the reason i smile in the day You are the passion for my moment in time You say the most intimate things without saying a thing You have allowed my soul to cry again

You have given me reason to let the tears stream from a heart that had no feeling You have brought the kiss of life to my lips You have touched my body in a way that say, " give up yourself to others and the doors to love will open" You have allowed my soul to cry again

You are the occident on my rising moon You have been the eclipse to my sun You are the one i seek in my peripheral vision You are the first thought of my daily existence You have given reason to my heart to continue to beat throughout the day You have allowed my soul to cry again for another day

You give me the need to cleanse my soul You are the reason i cry for life to kiss my heart during each waking moment of my day You are the reason for me Because to touch the part of me that seethes with life You give me heart a reason to cry again

This is especially for you my dear friend till the day ends and the night begins you are my friend from now till the end of time i accept you in my life.

© 2001 - Awave - (awave41@hotmail.com) - All Rights Reserved