ROAD TRIP!

Well, track and road, actually. Off to Florida we go, Hexangyl and myself, to meet up with a few of our members who conveniently live near eachother! Atleast they're in the same state. In fact, we will be in Florida the first 2 weeks in November and driving a huge square route around the perimeter of the state. We are hoping for no hurricanes, cooler than usual weather and lots of pix! The pictures will be available to view in the members photoalbum in December. To see a few pix from visitors we've had over the summer, check out the album. (You must be a member of AW to view the album - so join already!).

Next trip? North in the spring! For now, enjoy this month's issue of the mag and feel free to send us your works.

For people who can't think for themselves... Just... Ask... Jacki

Well, well, well. What DO you know? I figure you all must have just goten a gutful of my rambling 'cause I got letters!!! Yep, letters with questions!!! Same calibre of questions, mind you, but sometimes we just have to settle, don't we? I suppose it's only fair that I tell you how relieved I am. It was getting tough there for a bit, what with no questions. I was left to my own resources and we all see what came of that!

Welcome back, chickies!!! So, the sun is up, the toilets are fixed (ok, ok, I paid someone to do that, but they're fixed, alright? It will be appreciated, I'm sure, even if I didn't do it myself) (alright, alright, the sun came up without my help...picky, picky people), the laundry is happily bumping around in the dryer (yes, MY laundry SMILES. Get off my back, will ya?), the cats are fed....yes, yes, I AM a multi-talented wonder....so let's just get on with it, shall we? If you're gonna tear apart everything I say, I might as well go read a book. Who made you editor, anyway? Speaking of cats. (Just reread the last paragraph, will ya?)

Dear Jacki: (oh, what a lovely ring that has... editorial note...I can if I want to) Ok, ok. The letter, I know. Ahem. Dear Jacki: My cat will not listen to me at all. She doesn't do anything I tell her to do. Can you help me? PS...My cat is deaf. (another editorial note....this person failed to sign her letter...which is no surprise...yelling at a deaf cat...I wouldn't tell anyone who I was, either)

Dear Whoever You Are: First off, stop yelling at your cat. She's deaf. Cats are not stupid, but you don't look so bright, yelling at a deaf cat. my dear. Your cat probably already knows she's deaf. She just doesn't care what you're saying. She might not even be deaf at all. I got a newsflash for you....Cats don't listen anyway, deaf or not, so save your lungs. Learn sign language. She probably won't pay any attention to that either, is my guess, even if you take her to class with you, but go ahead and give it a whirl. I think you need something to fill your time besides screaming at a deaf cat.

Aren't cats just somethings else? I have two myself. Wouldn't trade them for the world. But I would consider trading them for something more useful. Like a new car. Though, I don't know anyone stupid enough to take two ornery, self-impressed, uppity cats in exchange for a car. If you do, call me. I really do need a new car Certainly more than I need these two cats, anyway. Ever tried to drive a cat to work?. Cats do whatever they damned well please. Kittens...yeah, kittens are cute, they play, they purr, they jump up and down if you wave string at them (why do you think that is?). But then they grow up. That's it. Playtime is over. They simply take over your entire living space and allow you access at their pleasure. Pisses me off.

Speaking of piss (pay attention, will you?) The other night, as I crawled into bed, drew the covers up around my cute little chin, shut my eyes and tried to decide what I would dream of that night (yes, yes, you can do that), I breathed in a nice full breath (I do that at night. It's sort of a ritual and I refuse to feel embarassed by it, so get over it), my poor little nostrils were filled with the most awful, acrid odor. I gagged. Yes, gagged. Full-fledged yucko gag. Thought I was gonna lose my cookies. No, honey, I don't sleep with cookies. It's just a saying. Ok....Thought I was gonna barf up my guts. Is that better? I shoved my partner in the arm and announced..."This bed smells like urine!" Ok, I didn't actually say urine, but I've already said piss twice and I think that might be pushing it, so from now on piss shall be referred to as urine in this story. Better safe than columnness. So, my loving partner says, "Shut up." I love her way with words. It's why I'm with her. I said, "No, gosh-darn it (leaving out another probably not acceptable word, here). It REALLY smells in here. I think SOMEONE did SOMETHING he or she was not supposed to do. Get up. We have to strip the bed. NOW. I'm not sleeping in here with this smell. MOVE! GET UP!! I'll simply die if we don't do something about this NOW!" You wouldn't think this was dramatic if YOU had smelled the smell I smelled. She said, "Shut up." I said, "Gosh darn it! Gosh darn it!" She said, "Look. I don't smell anything. I'm not getting up and stripping the bed. Shut up and go to sleep." (Ooooo, I just love it when she says more than one sentence!) Like she's got the only working nose around here. Ok, so I grumble, lie down put my arm around her and close my eyes, take a deep breathe, OMG!!!! I smell it again!. So, I grumble, "It must be on your side. I can't face this side. It stinks. I can't believe we're gonna sleep in this smell. I think I hate you." (I was grumbling really low, so she probably didn't hear that part, anyway, so just quit gasping, ok? She has something in common with your cat). So I throw, yes, THROW myself over on my other side, jerk the covers up around my neck and try to pretend that I'm sleeping outside, its damp, and all the natural smells of, uh, nature, are swirling around my tent. I was not happy, but I'M not gonna change the bed, by myself, with a person still in it, and SHE obviously was having no part of this. I try to convince myself that it's all in my mind and hope that if it's not, that whatever is causing this horrid odor is on HER side of the bed. ] Nope, no "touching" things happened that night. Not on your life! Why would you EVEN think that????? You are sick people.

I get up the next morning, late as usual, jump into my clothes and rush out the door to work. When I got home, there she was, at the washing machine, stuffing all the bed clothes into it, along with bleach, 409, and whatever else she could find that killed odors, etc. AND feline urine. Yep. That's what I said. Feline urine. Feline urine! Feline urine!! FELINE URINE!!!!!!!! I didn't know whether to smother her with the sheets or jump up and down screaming, "I told you so" or to throw up. All these choice seemed so.....uh....choice....at that moment. Thank you, on the other hand, absolutely did NOT seem to fit! "Oh, I am sooooooo sorry," she says. Yeah, right. "Uh, darling (buttering me up???????), you, uh, well, you might want to go, uh, well, wash your hair." Do not ask me what I had to say at this point! Cats own your house, deaf or not. Just know that, ok? Oh my! Look at the time! And me with a whole boocoo (I don't know how to spell it, but that's what it sounds like....boocoo...leave me alone) of letters sitting here just waiting to be answered! Well, they'll just have to wait, now, won't they?

Have patience, my dears, I WILL answer your letters, in my own time, not yours. Afterall, nothing you ever ask requires immediate attention, now, does it? Just keep carrying on in the dark for another month. I'll be back. Oh yeah.......keep those letters comin'. Without you, I'm nuthin'. Well, not exactly nuthin', but you know what I mean. But without me....yep, you are clueless! See you next month, darlins'. Or sooner if you can manage a trip South. Just think, I could give you a tour. This is the couch I sit on when I write. This is the notebook I keep all the letters I recieve in. This is the coffe table that I prop my feet on when I'm writing. This is my keyboard. Here's my Pepsi. I could hand out autographed paper towels that my Pepsi has rested on. It would be too cool. This is one of my cats.....OH!!!! Gees......she's crouching! Gotta run......NOW!!!!!!

After retirement, many folks rush out to buy computers and get hooked up to the Internet. Why? Because of the seemingly endless resources available to them in any category imaginable!

Mowetha Williams, a Hattiesburg American reader, told me that she loves to sit in front of the computer screen and tour the world, and one of her favorite sites is Yahoo!-Government: Embassies and Consulates. "I can sit here in my pajamas and visit all the current countries via their embassies and get all sorts of material and beautiful pictures...today it was Uzbekistan (which I had barely heard of before) and one of its cities, Samarkand." Doesn't that sound like fun? http://www.yahoo.com/Government/Embassies_and_Consulates/

Do you enjoy traveling? If you do, Elderhostel is the place for you. "Elderhostel is a nonprofit organization providing educational adventures all over the world to adults aged 55 and over. Study the literature of Jane Austen in the White Mountains of New Hampshire, or travel to Greece to explore the spectacular art and architecture of its ancient civilization, or conduct field research in Belize to save the endangered dolphin population." The site is geared toward people on the move "who believe learning is a lifelong process." http://www.elderhostel.org/

If you're a grandparent, you'll enjoy this site: Grandparents Homepage. The site offers tips on what to do with your grandchildren, long distance grandparenting, and even traveling with grandchildren. Or, join the online discussion group and share your experiences with others. This is a great place to meet other retired folks and form a community of friends. http://206.232.136.2:80/CGA/

Retire.Net is an interactive, comprehensive retirement resource with an added bonus: it's a lot of fun. Would you like a penpal from across the world? Or would you like to chat online with other retired folks? You can exchange recipes, discuss your favorite hobbies, or talk about sports. http://www.retire.net/

Would you like to make some online friends? Visit Senior.Com's chat room, or stop by the message center and post messages online. If you need technical advice, see Jim's Tech Tips, where you'll learn helpful information about your computer or the Internet. You can read articles from the Senior News Network, or visit Town Square, a guide to the best web resources for seniors. http://www.senior.com/

Senior.Site is dedicated to providing an interesting and entertaining website for people over 50. You'll find information on physical ailments, grandparenting resources, laws and legislation, and even poems and prose. http://seniors-site.com/

If you're looking for a new hobby, visit Yahoo! Recreation: Hobbies and Crafts, which contains a comprehensive listing of hobbies including gardening, basketry, and photography. http://www.yahoo.com/Recreation/Hobbies_and_Crafts/

For over 5000 links to sites of interest to the over-50 age group, visit the Age of Reason website, which provides practical information relative to seniors' lifestyles. The site features a Seniors Discount Mall and resources such as Seniors in Action, Retirement Living, and RVs and Camping. http://www.ageofreason.com/

Yahoo! features an impressive Seniors' Guide offering news articles, message boards, and live chatting with other seniors. Categories include genealogy, books, health, and food and dining. The site also offers additional links of interest to retirees. http://seniors.yahoo.com/

As stated explicitly at the site, Senior Frolic "will NOT provide medical sources, relevant political and sociological information or advice on how to lead a more productive life in the 'GOLDEN YEARS'." But what it *will* provide are links galore! You'll discover information on hobbies, music, museums, shopping, sports, and much more. This site will easily keep you occupied for hours! http://www.geocities.com/Heartland/4474/

Robin Nobles is a freelance writer whose articles on surfing the Web are published in six newspapers regularly. She also writes articles about the Web and Internet in publications such as Internet Newsroom, InfoAlert, WebVantage, CompuNotes, ChipNET, The Sunshine Post, Bridges Initiatives, and more. She can be reached at robin@robinsnest.com or through her website: Robin's Nest for Writers and Web Surfers - http://www.robinsnest.com/

Home on the Grange

WAFFLE COOKIES

6 eggs
3 cups flour
1 tsp. vanilla
1 lb. butter
2 cups sugar

Separate eggs, mix egg yolks and sugar well. Add vanilla. Cream butter and add eggs and sugar mixture, add flour slowly. Whip egg whites till fluffy and fold into batter. Drop by teaspoon onto waffle iron. Bake on low heat about 3 minutes.

SUGAR COOKIES

1/2 cup butter
1 cup sugar
2 eggs
1 tbls. rich cream
1 tsp. extract
2-1/4 cups flour
1-1/2 tsp. baking powder
nutmeg, if desired

Cream butter, sugar and eggs. Add other ingredients. Roll out dough and cut. Bake 400 degres for 6-9 minutes.

PUFFED RICE CANDY

4 cups puffed rice
1 cup sugar
1/2 cup molasses
2 tbls. butter
1/8 tsp. salt
1/2 tbls. vinegar
1/3 cup cold water

Place rice in shallow pan and place in oven until crisp. Cook butter, molasses, sugar, salt, vinegar and water to the crack stage. Pour syrup over rice. Mix thoroughly then pour into buttered pan. When cool, cut in squares.

If anyone manages to try this recipe and ends up with a product that must be hammered to be busted up into pieces, please let me know. I did this once and it was the best candy I'd ever eaten, but can't remember what I did wrong, it was over 20 years ago! If you discover it I'll split the candy business profits with you.

YOU

You are the fire in my morning
You are the black of my night
You are the stars in my eyes
You are the one

You are the one who holds me at bay
You are the need in necessity
You are the compulsiveness I desire
You are the one

You are my heart in a world of heartlessness
You are the consumption of my day
You are the answer in a voiceless world
You are the one

You are the life in my force
You are the escape in my detainment
You are the one who has captured my attention
You are the one

Let know one with issue stand before you and harbor your thoughts.
Let the Gods of immortality rise upon your soul and lift you into the
light of life seeking love and love seeking life.

© 2001 - Awave - (awave41@hotmail.com) - All Rights Reserved

AUTUMN SLUMBER

The night comes so early now,
As though the eyes of the universe
Are suddenly far too heavy
To illuminate the world around me.
Enveloped within the crisp autumn air,
Soon to become brutal and unforgiving,
The deep earthy hues
Would not think to speak
Of finality in death; rather,
They revel in anticipation of the new
As they lightly drift
Into a long and peaceful slumber.
And I, so eager to join them,
Settle securely within protective arms
Which ease the chills and trembling,
Arms that endure the many
Still and endless nights,
To embrace the fair enchantment
Of my soft amber dreams
And lie, quietly nestled,
Within the bosom of the divine.

© 2001 Cassandra Snow

Exodus

I wouldn't have had to lose it, They lost it for me in the fall of the year 1998

When U-Haul came to wrap it up,

Monochromatic memories into recycled paper and cardboard boxes,

To set me free, they said, leave me drifting in the air,

In planes that would only bring me down, somewhere,

Anywhere but here.

Fragile in capital letters,

What did they know? Much too resistant, I thought.

My bed was small, they said,

They wouldn't have to split it up.

Ironic, I replied, with an undertone of bitterness.

That day it was clear to me,

I wouldn't have to lose it all alone,

Lost it all the same.

They didn't know, of course,

Kept their promise nonetheless,

Set me drifting, floating under water,

Without a lifevest.

They cut the lifeline the day

They cut the umbilical cord, the day

They cut the vital flux, left me choking.

I didn't cry, so they had to slap me,

naked,

bleeding,

freezing,

Allegory to Love's prophecy,

Expulsion even by my mother,

O life! Waiting for another.

That was the day I lost it, all by myself.

KLM didn't bring me down,

Still the fall was hard.

They left it intact, my bed,

So we spilt it up for them months later, you and me.

I remembered, irony?

A simplification, comedy into tragedy,

The bitterness accrued.

Fragile staring back at me

In a million pieces

And I knew I would lose it all again.

Peacefully,

Apparently,

Marlboro and Bloody Mary

Veiled my pain in vapour,

Before my eyes her picture

In black and white, prophetic capture

Of a time before

The day U-Haul stood waiting at the door.

They said my bed was small,

I smiled because I knew better,

Big enough to lose it all.

My eyes rested on her shoulder,

Turned to me, luring the touch,

My fingertips,

burning,

Drifting

In the air

Somwhere,

The truth

Lingered,

Hungered,

Reaching out for the fatal blow.

She said "I know"

At three in the morning,

I felt it dawning

Before my eyes,

In the sunset of lies,

Shoulders of a lover?

O life, waiting for another.

I said "I love you", she couldn't,

Reversion through relativity,

Irony, but we decided for tragedy

As a large bed turned small

The moment I lost it all.

Sophocles and I remembered,

Truth reaching out its dagger,

Piercing through the retina

Into the mind and heart

The day I disavowed my guard.

Call it premonition,

Cardboard boxes waiting in the kitchen,

Stickers of fragility

Screaming in finality.

Fading black and white pictures into recycled paper,

Keep them for later,

In KLM, according to tradition,

For a painful revision.

Through cigarette smoke

I saw her

Choking

Sobbing,

But not loving.

Bloody Mary

On a merry-go-round,

Homeward bound.

In the lone thereafter I called U-Haul,

"Please come and wrap it all."

Copyright Jessica Feiereisen 2001