Who are Amaranth Womyn? by Wacipi

Besides being a lesbian e-community, a great place for womyn to meet and having excellent irc chat and message boards, Amaranth Womyn is a "home" on the net. A "home" where womyn of substance who are tired of the same old chat experiences and message board battles of shallowness can build a space for themselves. There is room for the light-hearted and the in-depth alike. Because our members are our staff Amaranth Womyn has the potential to be the largest lesbian community in cyberspace.

Other large lesbian net communities have either become burnt out, over run by the "sexual fantasy" clan or raised their overhead expenses out of reach. On the contrary, Amaranth Womyn is virtually a free based website, our staff are our members, therefore, burn out will be buffered and the overt sexual content is not what the womyn here are all about. They are more mature, conscious and deeper than that creating something better for themselves. There are thousands of sites on the net that cater to all that, but very few try to truly create a safe and tightly woven network of womyn. We aim to do that.

We are young, we are relatively small, but we are Womyn and our power is showing. Just look at this magazine!

If you would like to become part of this community, build a small space on the net for yourself with a growing group of some of the most wonderful womyn around, then take a look at our entire site and see what appeals to you. Then join our growing membership to receive the latest news and information from the community.

Wacipi, Editor

Caution: Relationship Ahead...by SNACK

Why doesn’t marriage come with worker’s comp? I don’t think insurance policies include a clause that covers injuries sustained when your lover rolls over onto you in the middle of the night and dislocates your shoulder. I also don’t remember seeing coverage for knee to ribcage impacts, toenail gouges, or cold feet induced shock. Or what about those on-the-job hazards like the dog hairs covering your pillow and nice dark pants, finding your favorite t-shirt in the dirty clothes hamper before you got a chance to wear it this week, or opening the freezer one hot afternoon to find your lover had an ice cream craving at 2 am.

Batzz and I went shopping today. We decided to stroll down one of the gayer streets in our city to peruse the antique shops. I never really noticed it before, but I get extremely cranky when it’s hot and muggy and I’m forced to be outside for extended periods of time. Batzz was kind enough to help me become aware of this condition! I swear I turn into “Ms. Hyde” and go from my usual chipper and optimistic self to this whining pouting bitching dyke who can stomp around like nobody’s business. Funny how it never bothered me before.

I suppose I should add a whining clause to Batzz’s insurance policy.

The Crone Budgets by MERCY

Budget? Budget? Me? Well, of course I have a budget. I call it the pocket budget. Here’s how it works. You put all your money in your pocket. And, when it’s gone you’re broke. It’s worked for a long time, but somehow that pocket money seemed to disappear before those evil, nasty, ugly bills got paid.

So, I decided that what I needed was a real budget. And, since I live here in cyberspace, where better to get the information that I need?

I was getting down-hearted though, when the few pages of search results were for Books about Budgets; Software for Budgets; Budget Rent This and That’s.

Now, if I didn’t need a budget I could probably go buy a book or software (only to discover I have no idea what to do with the software) and I could even rent something; something big maybe, like a sleek new truck. Yep, that... oh never mind.

Finally I found sites which guaranteed they could help you make a budget, and even provide the motivation needed. I soon learned that motivation ranged from pats on the head, to stories of dying in a gutter somewhere.

But, ok, I will skip that part. Let’s get down to business. Almost every one of them stated that you should write down every penny you spend for one month. Doesn’t matter what it’s spent for, just write it down. And no generic $100 trips to Walmart. You had to itemize what you bought there. OK, I can do this and besides it gives me an extra month before I have to write out the 'B' word.

So, I saved all receipts and got ready to create this budget which would not only get me out of debt, but would also make it possible for me to live in high style in just a few years. I gathered my calculator, my pencils (already itemized on the list of expenditures) and got ready to create this numerical wonder.

But wait! Numerous times, numerous sources told me to wear my most comfortable clothing, or the clothing that made me feel special. Light candles. Put on soft music. Get a nice glass of something.

Wait!!! For a budget??? This sounds more like a seduction scene. OK, if you say it works. So with candles flickering, and dressed in my finest t-shirt and cutoffs, I get started.

Now I have to divide all of this up. Hmmm, well the house payment and the utiliies, and my IP and cable won’t be hard.

It’s all the other stuff. Like donuts; do I charge 5 little packages of white powdered sugar donuts from the machine at work to Food? Business expense? Gift? Don’t laugh, it truly is a gift to my co-workers because I am very cranky without my daily dose of powdered sugar.

What about beads or fabric or clay? If I buy a bag of beads for a few dollars, isn’t that cheaper than paying a shrink to tell me why I feel this need to sort things? And wouldn’t it be better to sit and squeeze a lump of clay than to slap the noisy kid next door? The new fabric will become a bean bag to throw at the wall, when the budget stresses get me out.

Music - oh, now here’s a big one. Isn’t it truly better to go buy a new CD than to spend a lot of money going to a concert? Well, it seems to me that since I didn’t buy a ticket to that concert I heard about, I should get (let me see) maybe 5 cds! Yep!

Oh and books and magazines. Just because I am a crone, it doesn’t mean that I don’t like to check out the latest issues of all the lesbian magazines (articles only, you know). And those online book sellers send me information about the latest in lesbian studies and lesbian fiction. It is my duty to read these. I must support my fellow lesbians. Go to the library? Not in my town! We still have the old time card catalogs although there is one computer there, but don’t try to visit any of "those" places. They are blocked. So I pull out the L drawer, but there is nothing there. I ask the librarian, "Do you have any books on lesbians?" I get a blank stare in return and then she says, "Legends? Oh I am sure we have many books about that. Maybe you just were spelling it wrong." Oh well, back to the bookstore.

And then we move onto Personal Items. Well, all of this snooping into my spending habits is rather personal if you ask me. So, what does this mean? Does it mean that if I give my dog a bath using the same soap I use, I can charge it to pet items? If I buy that new soap that promises beauty, is that a personal item, or can it be charged to charitable donations? After all, if I become suddenly beautiful, that would certainly make my world a better place.

Speaking of donations... I have to list them, too. Those people send me such cool return address stickers, it would be thievery to not send them something, don’t you think? And of course, once you do, then you get even more address stickers which requires more contributions.

This is getting much too complicated. It may take awhile before I get this all sorted. I think right now I will go find someplace to chat. All these candles have sort of distracted me from thoughts of decimal points and deductions.

Oh, one last question... I wonder, should I classify lube as a personal care item, or does it go in the entertainment section?

See you next time!

She’s Ba-ack!by SANDERS-DAVIS

For all of you who have felt their lives have been lacking something since ABC cancelled “Ellen”, you’re about to become fulfilled once again!

It’s been eight years since DeGeneres’ unique brand of humor has graced the stage, and her “Americana Tour 2000” is just the beginning of her new projects.

Stopping at the Beacon Theater in NYC, she will be taping her third solo HBO special “Born Again”, which will air the end of July. “Born Again” will not only show DeGeneres’ return to her stand-up roots, but will also show film taken by a documentary crew that’s traveled with her from the beginning. It will show what happens when one of the funniest women in America sets off with her partner of three years to spread laughs across the states.

The small screen is also something which DeGeneres’ humor will once again grace. We’ve been hearing for some time now that she would be returning with an NBC Pilot of her own special version of a variety show. The storyline will be built around the running of this show, both behind the scenes and in front of the camera, dealing with guests, her actors, and will also show how her personal life is affected by this chaotic mix. When asked if her character would be gay, DeGeneres answered a group of reporters, “I’m playing me, so I will be gay. Because as you’ve heard, I am. Yeah there was this whole thing about it”.

With the blame for her ABC cancellation laying heavily on the excuse that her storylines were too focused on gay issues, DeGeneres’ character in the new NBC pilot will not make her sexuality a focus of the show. I, for one, hope that she will not stray too far from her “Ellen” Roots. To turn on the television and see an intelligent, witty woman was a welcome change to the hollow “straight” characters that now flood the airwaves! The fact that she was gay is only a very small part of this comedian, her warmth, truth and vulnerability endear us to her, and her return to doing something she loves is a gift for us all!

Menopause Has Arrived! by HEXANGYL

Menopause has occurred at the end of a woman's last menstrual period. However, this date can only be established when a woman has had no period for a year.

The symptoms that appeared during the pre-menopausal stage simply continue now... some with less severity and some with more. Physically, what has happened to the body is that the ovaries can no longer perform the function of ovulation and estrogen production. Since estrogen production has ceased, there are numerous physiological changes that occur:

- uterine tubes shrink and become less capable of movement
- uterus and cervix decrease in size
- vagina contracts and it's folds become shallower
- clitoris becomes smaller
- pubic and axillary hair thins
- breasts become less full and firm

Additionally, the hormonal changes and psychosocial stress associated with the adjustment of the aging process and any perceived loss can lead to what one might refer to as "mood swings", insomnia, irritability, nervousness, and/or depression. Some women associate menopause as a loss of femininity or sexual attractiveness or desire.

In this issue, I want to address the physiological changes and treatements. The next issue will deal with all the psychosocial elements.

PRIMARY HEALTH HAZARDS OF MENOPAUSE

Osteoporosis, which is a severe thinning of the bones, occurs most frequently and in higher incidence in slender white women, women who have excessive intake of alcohol, take coticosteroids, have a low intake of calcium, or have a sedentary lifestyle.

Cadiovascular Disease progresses more rapidly during menopause when estrogen levels decrease.

TREATMENT

The above health hazards and the symptoms that I addressed in the previous issue, such as hot flashes, vaginal changes, urinary stress incontinence, joint pain, insomnia, irritability, depression, and headache, can all be associated with the decreased estrogen levels. Post-menopausal women who take estrogen replacement therapy without progesterone have an increased risk of endometrial cancer (cancer of the lining of the uterus).

TRADITIONAL TREATMENT:

- estrogen replacement therapy
- calcium supplement
- physical activity and exercize
- anti-inflammatories such as Ibuprofen, Advil, Motrin

TYPES OF ESTROGEN REPLACEMENT THERAPY

There are 2 forms of estrogen therapy available, tablet or skin patch. The dosage and type is something to discuss with your physician.

Because estrogen is associated with side effects and long-term risks as well as benefits, a woman and her doctor should weigh the benefits, before deciding whether to use estrogen replacement therapy. Side effects include nausea, breast discomfort, headache, and mood changes.

A long time concern has been whether taking estrogen might increase the risk of breast cancer. There is NO clear cut association between estrogen replacement therapy and breast cancer. However, the risk of cancer may be increased when estrogen is taken for more than 10 years.

Generally, estrogen therapy is not prescribed for women who have or have had breast cancer, advanced endometrial cancer, genital bleeding of unknown cause, or a blood clotting disorder.

Women who cannot take estrogen may be given anti-anxiety medications, progesterone or clonidine to reduce the discomfort of hot flashes. Antidepressants may also help some women by relieving depression, anxiety, irritability, or insomnia.

Random Musings About Growing up
With Fagorra Finebitch

Ok .. I'll confess, I'm one of those irritating questions kind of person. I've been curious since I could speak. I have to know how everything works and where the universe ends. I usually won't rest till I get an answer and don't let things go. Trust me, for years I wondered why the sky was black with birds on Montrose Road in Rockville MD. There wouldn't be a bird around for miles but the minute you hit Montrose it was a scene from Hitchcock. Someone finally told me that it's because that was the spot where they roost. Alrighty then...

I have questions about people. What makes one person a really good friend who endures throughout the years, while, as Dorothy would say "my, people come and go so quickly around here." I think about this a lot. Friends come in all different varieties. For me, I tend to like a mix that includes all sorts of folks as overall acquaintances, but I find myself seeking groups of lesbians for my close circle of friends. Here's another question if you will. Hasn't friendship taken on a whole new and different meaning since you bought your first personal computer and got on the highway? Do you ever wonder what ever happened to all of those real life dykes you used to cookout and have pool parties with on Saturday afternoons? Remember how they all got a bit miffed and put off when you first discovered chat rooms and preferred to sit around and type rather than sit around and talk ?

Ok, good, I'm not alone. Do you have voice mail? Two phone lines? One phone line that's always busy? Do you get evil and awful messages from people out there in the real world who want to talk to you but don't have a computer? Hello Fagorra, remember me? We used to be friends, but I guess you're talking to "those people" again ..

So now, here's the fork in the road. On the left, there are the people in real life who do not understand your obsession with cyber life. Maybe they've never been online. Maybe they have, but it did nothing for them, or better still, they were too challenged by it ...ooooooooh! Then there are those who watch too much Oprah. They think the only thing lesbians do online is have tons of tawdry cybersex. tsk tsk. We should all be so lucky (what's up with that anyway? .. Do you really want to type that stuff?) Here on the right are the *other* people.. the cyber people.

This all leads me to another question, who are these people we meet on the internet? They have nicks. Sometimes they have names. Sometimes they have a picture. Sometimes their name and their picture are for real, sometimes not. How do you know? Sometimes they have a phone number and you get to talk on the phone a little. That's always good. It's easier to associate a voice with a picture and have at least some idea who your new friend is. It's better still when the friendship evolves and unfolds over time, slowly like a delicate flower. There's nothing worse than finding out that the whole thing is a lie or a deception. Isn't it funny how people you've never looked straight in the eye can hurt you, no devastate you? How can that be? How is it that we can grow to form such deep attachments with faces we never see?

This whole form of communication is so wierd. We divulge things about ourselves to people online that it may take years, if ever, to tell others in our everyday real life. Have we become a pack of techno confessors? It's easier to look at a monitor and type what's in our hearts rather than stand before flesh and blood humans and tell them these same secrets about ourselves, our lives, our loves, our pain, our joys. Is it just me or does anyone else find this whole new breed of intimacy just a tad strange? In one way, I guess it's good. I mean, people who have kept things locked way deep down inside finally have an outlet and it's cheaper than therapy. I worry if we're really qualified to take on the responsibilities of holding and protecting each other's hearts in this medium.

Since I like questions so much, I'm putting one to all of you. Honestly, look at us here.. a bunch of birds hanging out on the wires and tree tops of our very own Montrose Road, roosting. Go ahead and write in .. tell us how you feel about the friends you've made, the lovers you've found in cyberspace and let us know your experiences, how has it been for you? Has it been positive? Made a few lifelong friends? Found out that Mary is really Mikey and he likes to watch, but thinks he can convert you? Send your comments to amaranthwomyn@yahoo.com and we'll take a look at the responses in the next issue. See, I'm really curious about just what all of our rich and beautifully complex online relationships mean. So, tell it to Fagorra... Till then ~ta ~ta for now.

Amazing Womyn by FROGGIE

I have spent most of my adult life wandering around the world, and in my journeys I have met an incredible number of amazing women. With some of them I am still in touch, while others went on with their lives as I went on with mine, but each and every one of them has taught me a lesson about life.

Isabel and Flavia taught me the importance of family roots in the construction of a person's identity. This is not an attempt to tell their story from their point of view: only they know their own feelings. It is merely a humble testimony that I feel compelled to bring in homage to all the Isabels and Flavias on this planet and to the people who help them recover their roots and identity.

Note: Names and circumstances have been changed to protect the privacy of the people involved. The facts are, unfortunately, all true.

Erik Erikson defines the identity of a human being as "a sense of self that develops in the course of (his) life and that both relates him to and sets him apart from his social milieu." Roots are essential to establish such a sense or self. Knowing who your parents were, where you came from, and the story of your family is an important part of knowing who you are. For most of us, this knowledge is so natural that we tend to underestimate its importance: we see ourselves in our uniqueness, forgetting how much of this uniqueness comes from our family's genes and history. Suddenly, we meet someone who had to fight for this knowledge, and we stop taking it for granted. It can be a person who was adopted and is looking for his or her biological roots. It can also be a child who was denied his or her natural right to identity. In my case, it was Isabel.

I first heard of Isabel during the austral winter of 1983. I was in Buenos Aires, participating in one of those lectures about Human Rights that were flourishing at the time, announcing the end of a cruel dictatorship. A woman approached me and told me the story of a little girl who was being raised by a military officer and his wife as their own, although the wife had never been pregnant.

At that time, in Argentina, this kind of story had an obvious meaning: the little girl was potentially one of the "disappeared children." During the dictatorship, an estimated number of 30,000 persons were abducted by members of security forces and never heard of again. They were not in exile, they were not in jail, they were not among the dead, and yet they are not alive. They were, they are "desaparecidos," "missing," "disappeared." Approximately four to five hundred of these "disappeared" are children who either were abducted with their parents or were born in a concentration camp. "The Grandmothers of May Square," an organization created by the grandmothers of those children, are still looking for most of them.

The woman forced a paper into my hand and flew away. I opened my hand, I looked at the paper: it was Isabel's name, and address. I stared at the paper, overwhelmed by the responsibility: what was in my hand was a little girl's right to her own identity. The next morning, with a group of friends, I went to "spy" on Isabel. We saw her on her way to school, long enough to remember the shape of her face, her half-smile, and that light sadness in her eyes that we had already seen in other disappeared children's eyes. So we went to the office of the Grandmothers of May Square, to tell them our story. On the walls of the office, there were hundreds of pictures of the children and their parents. We looked at them as if we had never seen them before. We were looking for Isabel. And we found her. We recognized her in two pictures: in one of them was the little girl she had been, in the other one the woman she would become. They were pictures of Isabel and her mother, taken a few days before their abduction in 1977. Only her name was not Isabel, but Flavia.

It took the Grandmothers years of trials to bring Flavia back into her biological family. It took Flavia months of therapy to remember her whole story and to be able to speak about it. She had been raised by the very same man who had tortured her mother to death in front of her eyes. I will never forget the look in her eyes when she told us. I will never forget the tone of her voice when she told us how she "recognized" her grandmothers among the crowd of women present in the office where they met again for the first time in years. She had not seen her grandmothers since her second birthday, and she was now eleven years old. Yet, she said, ”the moment I saw them, I just knew.” I will never forget either her relief when she realized how much she looked like her mother, how much she "belonged" in her biological family.

Flavia is alive and well, and living with her grandparents. She now knows where she comes from. She has a chance of being able to develop her "sense of self" and discover her real identity. Erik Erikson also wrote: "Some day, maybe, there will exist a well-informed, well-considered, and yet fervent public conviction that the most deadly of all possible sins is the mutilation of a child's spirit..." May he be heard.